Okay, I just *have* to get this off my chest and I apologize in advance for coming across as an insane woman. However, I *am* 8 months pregnant so I'm allowed...right?
As my readers (ha ha!) know, I've been measuring small and have gained only minimal weight. While it may sound like "Oh, must be rough NOT gaining a zillion pounds" is the proper response, IT ISN'T. Or, when you hear how far along I am, "Oh, wow, you're so small" is also not what needs to be said. I worry constantly. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I worry that Maggie isn't growning; I worry and lose sleep like crazy the day before my appointments; I worry that I'm going to hear from my doctor that she's just not happy with where I'm at and that she's going to take the baby; I just worry. And when I hear these comments, it makes me feel like I'm a failure and just reminds me all over again of how vulnerable Maggie and I both are.
I also want to say that this post is NOT directed at anyone in particular, it's just a general musing, if you will. Commenting on how small I am makes me feel the same as when I would hear "Are you EVER going to have another baby?" These things just really aren't okay to say to someone because, really, you may not have a clue what is going on with that person.
We saw some friends this weekend and they're just a month away from celebrating their 4th wedding anniversary. No children yet. Of course, I wanted to ask the BIG question, but I didn't. I've been there and it's a horrible question to hear. And again, I don't know what's happening with them. For all I know, they've been trying since their honeymoon and have had multiple losses.
I have my 34 week appointment in just a few hours and I'm a mess. I am praying like mad for some good weight gain and to be measuring close to 34 cm. I'm also hoping to finally get my c/s date confirmed - that's definitely something to look forward to!
Fingers crossed, people!
Monday, June 30, 2008
A Vent, A Rant, A Meltdown, Call It What You Will
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2 comments:
Prayers that your appointment goes well and you get some well-deserved good news! I have all the faith in the world that little Miss Maggie is doing just fine in there.
Take a deep breath, darlin'. Remember, I measured small with Neala and gained very little weight, as with Aiden. Addie was early, so there is no way to tell how big she would have been full term, but I think it's safe to say with Nealy that those measurements are far from fool-proof.
Maggie is going to be perfect!
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